I woke up this morning with the song, Where Have all the Flowers Gone in my head, but the words were slightly different: Where Have all the Blog Posts Gone had taken over the lovely melody. And as of my readers have noticed, it looks like I have been silent. But anyone who has met me knows I don’t do silent very well. So where has my online voice gone?
It actually hasn’t gone anywhere. I don’t have writers block. In fact I feel downright fertile these days. I have so many ideas that I had to stop writing them down in my writing notebook. I compose blog pieces constantly and then have lengthy inner dialogues about the pieces all day long.
The real reason I am not posting blog pieces right now is that I am on an adventure. I am currently in the middle of an 8 month training program and I am going along with the process, waiting to see what unfolds. The course meets every other weekend; it is exhilarating and draining at the same time. I find myself excited about upcoming training weekends and then when they get here almost shrinking from them. As an extrovert I enjoy the time spent with the other students and teachers, but even I get tired of both the mental and physical work involved. I find myself stretching and growing inside and out, which is both exciting and wearying.
For the first time in decades I’m not spending my time planning during the training figuring out how I will use all that I am learning. This is a big departure for me from past training programs I have done. When I took the Meyer’s Briggs training program (2000) I had it all planned out how I would lead awesome leadership development workshops. When I took my real estate licensing training course (2000) I pictured the industry success I wanted to become. In my coaching accreditation program (2009) I saw myself helping women business owners grow personally and professionally. During the Anti-Defamation League’s A World of Difference anti-bias program (2005) I pictured leading community based training programs that would open people’s minds and hearts. Even years back when I did the La Leche League International Leader Training program (1991) I could see myself helping breastfeeding mothers and babies all over the country. Fact is almost all of what I pictured came true.
But this time I am staying present; I’m not mind-jumping to the end. I have not figured out how I will apply all that I am learning. This is not easy for me to do and is one of the reasons I have not publically announced the training program I am in. It is a fine line for me to live out-loud and authentically, but also find a way to allow life to unfold.
Two weekends ago I went on a women’s initiation retreat with Megan Wagner, a Therapist, Spiritual Teacher, Author, Storyteller, Ritual Leader and Interfaith Minister whose retreats have been life-changing and life saving for me. I have attended 7 of her local Feminine Path to Power retreats. Each one has a different theme and involves different stories, rituals, meditations, songs, chants and dancing. She calls her local Women’s Initiation Retreats Wise Women Training and they are!
In this most recent retreat we spent time focusing on dreams and ideas that are aligned with our higher life purpose and how we will manifest them. In the context of my current training program it was empowering and inspiring. When I attended the same retreat 3 years ago I left excited but confused. This time around I find myself much more centered, balanced and in-tune with what is next for me. And I attribute part of this to my new-found ability to stop over-planning my future. Here I am at the end of the retreat, wearing Megan’s beautiful silk robe with Salima, the Goddess of Manifesting.
Change is scary. The unknown is unknown, and that can be unsettling. But as I learn to live with the unknown I feel empowered. It feels as if I am living on the edge of a flame – we all know that flames can burn out of control, be snuffed out by a wind or drowned by water. So along with feeling emblazoned, I also feel fragile; I am learning to embrace my power and fragility with care and tenderness.
I am not ready to announce my next act yet, but make no mistake, there is at least one act left in me (maybe more!). Stay tuned for new adventures, new announcements and new blog posts!
As a blogger, I enjoy sharing my ideas and thoughts with people, and I get a special thrill when someone leaves a comment. When you share my posts on social media sites, I jump up and down doing a happy dance. So thank you!